I heard someone say that in love, the one who cares more, loses. If that’s the case, I neither want to be a loser nor a winner. If it’s even a competition. Which I don’t think it is. But love - being in a relationship - it ends up with one person getting hurt. I don’t want to be that person and I don’t want him to be that person too. And this is why I’m mortified to be in a relationship. Sure, opening yourself to love means opening yourself to pain. It’s both the beautiful and ugly side to it. But knowing this doesn’t erase the fact that I’m scared to take that step. And that fear freezes me.

I look away from you sometimes on Flickr.

Then I look back.

"

Faith in God is an opening up, a letting go, a deep trust, a free act of love — but sometimes it was so hard to love.

At such moments I tried to elevate myself…touch the turban I made with the remnants of my shirt and say aloud: “THIS IS GOD’S HAT!”
I would point to [the tiger],”THIS IS GOD’S CAT!”
I would point to the lifeboat,”THIS IS GOD’S ARK!”
I would spread my arms wide, “THESE ARE GOD’S ACRES!’
I would point at the sky, “THIS IS GOD’S EAR!”

But God’s hat was always unravelling…God’s cat was a constant danger. God’s ark was a jail, God’s wide acres were slowly killing me, and God’s ear didn’t seem to be listening.

Despair was a heavy blackness that let no light in or out. …[But] a school of fish appeared around the net, or a knot cried out to be reknotted. Or I would think of my family, of how they were spared this terrible agony. God would remain, a shining point of light in my heart. I would go on loving.

" — Yann Martel, Life of Pi.